The Soul Searcher
“God cannot be seen. He is in the dark faith.“
No one understand the dark night of the soul better than people recovering from life-threatening addictions. My own addiction in the past finally brought me down to my knees. It was only because of addiction that I discovered the true depths and longings for my soul. It is in the dark, that I began to see. And it is only in the dark, that I began to seek inner truth.
Often with a sense of doubt or negative undertone, many come to me with queries on “darkness” with prejudgments that it is related to something revolting, alike a haunted film filled with nightmares, ghosts and goblins, blood and gruesomeness. Yes, darkness may not be beautiful. Yet, beauty is not necessarily real either. To distinguish between reality and beauty, sometimes it lies in that one fine line: between the dark and light.
Through the journey of darkness, my masks unveiled. Every obstacle allows me to peel off a layer of shade at a time, revealing more and more of my true colors. As I peel off these layers, the world becomes transparent. I see the masks others’ put on to hide their insecurities and inner-terror. Some choose to hide behind their professions, their education, their knowledge. Some choose to turn their heads away and stand as far as possible as they are terrified to see what their inner-world actually looks like. The most destructive of all are the ones who choose to hide behind their talents, where “Art” becomes a tool to lie about who they actually are. So visible is the world, yet with uncountable lost souls…
“Darkness” to me now has transformed throughout this past decade. It is about seeking solitude and finding inner peace. Being in the dark literally means being in total darkness where nothing is visible to the eye, and that there are absolutely no distractions whatsoever. You can only rely on your inner-senses. To listen intently to your heart, and to be fully present with yourself, alone. Darkness became my infinity to seek for the light, enduring happiness, hope and peace. Deep, painful emotions become the perfect circumstances for me to become a more truthful version of who I already am. Being in the dark allows me to feel my strong feelings and emotions. It allows me to truly accept that in all that I am experiencing in life, I am a human being, with flesh & blood and a soul.
And it is in the dark, that I began my conversations with God.